Ep 34: Facing Your Fears
Hosts: Jade and Deniece
ABOUT THE EPISODE
In this episode, Jade and Deniece discuss "Facing Your Fears". They explain the different forms in which people encounter fear, their own fears, and several methods that can be used to overcome fear.
A MILLENNIAL MESS
EPISODE 34 PODCAST SHOW NOTES
[02:18] Jade and Deniece released two songs you can listen to on TikTok and Instagram.
[04:08] Today's topic is "Facing Your Fears". The International Day of Fear is usually the second Tuesday of every October. It is not a day to be scared but a day to face your fears.
[05:57] Our hosts start by each itemizing their top 3 fears. Deniece has a fear of heights, a fear of bugs or insects, and a fear of toxic people. Jade has a fear of not accomplishing things that she sets out to do, fear of lizards, and fear of not meeting expectations from people she values. Fear is generally anything that makes you anxious; also, if you always want to escape a feeling, then it is most likely fear. When dealing with toxic people, at some point it is possible to develop a numbness to that toxicity.
[20:35] Whatever you have as fears also stems from childhood. This relates to Jade's fear of expectations as parents often have very high expectations that are scary for children. Send a message to Jade and Deniece about your top 3 fears too.
[22:40] Based on an article from the blog "Psychology Today" our hosts share that in the brain, the 'Amygdala' is the emotional part which makes it the fear center. It is possible to teach the amygdala not to be afraid of something. Most of the things we fear will never happen; what will hurt us is living an ever-smaller life because we think we can't handle things in it.
[24:50] The article also explains that avoidance teaches your brain to be more afraid and that fear and avoidance are the right response to that thing and it gets worse over time. The logic is that if you face your fear you will slowly overcome the fear.
[27:16] Jade's tips for overcoming fear: Jade describes how she used to have stage fright which could be paralyzing despite her preparedness. This came with a fear of forgetting lyrics, she overcame this by reminding herself that she already knows the song, and to focus on the moment, enjoying the process. The more you focus on what will go wrong, the higher the chances that it will go wrong. It also helps to get support from friends and well-wishers. Very often we are our harshest critics and those mistakes we are concerned about are not noticed.
[30:07] Deniece adds that having a coach to help you face your fears when you feel overwhelmed is also an effective approach. They will support you, guide you systematically and neutrally.
[31:26] Deniece's tips for facing your fears: First, ask yourself "what's the worst that can happen?" When you think about it, it may not be so scary anymore; sometimes we just have a fear of the unknown, and imagining the worst outcome would help. In certain cases, educating yourself on the risks and precautions can be useful if it applies your fear, at this point you can rest in the knowledge that these precautions have helped others successfully go through it. However, if you don't believe it is safe enough then you should not do it which is not fear but logic. At this point, your fears turn from a heavy cloud to an ice cube in water.
[35:08] Don't overthink; rather write your fear down on a piece of paper and know that it is not more than what you have put down. Thirdly, don't layer fear upon fear. Talking helps put it out there. Layer kindness, gratefulness, positive quotes, and motivation on your fears. Face your fears because you train your brain to know that that fear is no longer a threat after you have faced it.
[41:13] Is it possible to live your life without fear? In a situation where the fear is an inevitable situation like fear of death, it is important to focus on finding ways to live a healthy and fulfilling life rather than focusing on the fear itself.
[42:43] Living in the present is very powerful because fear is when you live in the future.
[43:20] Jade and Deniece share that the episode with Cheng on Growth Mindset is a must-listen and was highly impactful for them.