Ep 48: Are you 'date-able?
Hosts: Jade and Deniece
Guest: Greg & Aidil
ABOUT THE EPISODE
In this Valentine’s episode, Jade and Deniece continue with our guests from the previous episode, Greg and Aidil. This time discussing the topic "Dateable", as they highlight their different criteria for determining if a person is dateable or not.
A MILLENNIAL MESS
EPISODE 48 PODCAST SHOW NOTES
[01:11] This episode is the 2nd part of the double episode from last week; the topic is "Dateable or not?". They would be sharing their criteria for determining if a person is dateable.
[01:42] Our guests from last week join in again, Greg and Aidil.
[04:50] Greg's 2 relationships before getting married didn't work out because he didn't see eye to eye on many issues with the ladies he dated. Three things he looks out for to know a lady is dateable include Generosity, Kindness, and Curiosity. Curiosity is often not spoken about enough; it helps to view new ways to make things better and understand each other which keeps the spark in the relationship. "If you stop being curious about the other person, or even yourself, you stop growing".
[07:10] Jade notes that it is also possible to get too curious and get interested in people outside. It may be better to limit curiosity to the partner and be focused there so as not to get distracted. This is where the quote, "familiarity breeds contempt" applies. When many people get to know their partners, they can then take them for granted and start looking outside. However, "the closer you are to someone, the kinder you should be to them"
[10:02] That aligns with the first criterion Jade looks out for, "How the person treats their family and friends". If they don't treat those people close to them well, they might also not treat the person they're dating well, later on. The person you date and the person you marry may not necessarily be the same because as a family you get to see their true colors. Greg sees this as a risk you take with every relationship, it may not be possible to fully know what the possibilities are, but the question is "Are you willing to take the risk?".
This emphasizes the need for each partner to know the friends of other partner and people that they are accountable to, who can give wise counsel. In general, the fact that the person changed may not necessarily be a bad thing, it just depends on perspective and communication but importantly the nature of the people involved.
[19:02] Aidil looks out for someone adventurous and open to new ideas. Also, he likes people who don't take themselves too seriously and generally love fun.
[27:25] Deniece starts with Honesty as her first criterion, which would be reflected in the form of transparency with all emotions even anger. She believes that little things pile up so it helps to express them. It is also important for her to align with her partner especially when it comes to views on raising a child; the impact of the method of parenting will surface much later in life. Thirdly, she looks out for someone to be a fun person.
[33:09] For Jade, apart from seeing the way the person connects with their friends and family members, communication is important too. She also looks out for fun and someone open to trying new activities.
[35:15] On the flip side, the absence of these qualities can sometimes be a deal-breaker depending on the scenario. However, in cases where there are two different definitions of a particular quality, for example, generosity, then there's a need to find out the definition of the person. The awareness of these criteria generally helps people know what to look out for in a person so as not to end up with an unhappy marriage that may just be functional.
[38:29] A lot of people make decisions for relationships or marriage based on practicality. They would rather just get married even though they may not be happy with the compromises they have to make.
[41:32] In the end, despite our ideals, we have our flaws and strengths hence it is important to communicate. Listeners with opposing views can connect with the hosts and get featured.
[43:08] Happy Valentine's Day!