EP 15: Why Comparison is the thief of joy
Hosts: Jade and Deniece
ABOUT THE EPISODE
In this episode, Jade and Deniece discuss "How comparison kills passion". They highlight different forms of comparison in various aspects of society, the negative effects, and ways to deal with the consequences including channeling it positively for self-growth.
A MILLENNIAL MESS
EPISODE 15 PODCAST SHOW NOTES
[02:20] Jade talks about her spin classes going on hold due to the reinstated lockdown measures. She also shares her experience so far realizing that spin classes are not as easy as most people imagine.
[05:30] Today's topic is "How comparison kills passion". It is necessary to understand that comparison is different from admiration where you simply appreciate the good qualities in others; however, when this is done excessively, and you start to think you're not good enough; this is when comparison gets unhealthy.
[07:29] Social Media plays a dangerous role in instigating comparison.
[07:53] Our hosts agree that a lot of the comparison done stems from childhood, particularly the formative years. It is usually more common in families with many kids, among the siblings, and to a large extent in schools. Deniece gives the example of her secondary school where there was a lot of comparison based on beauty and grades. Even now in her work as a choreographer, Deniece shares she often gets compared to other people with more amplified work; this has grown over time into self-doubt but therapy helped her through that phase.
[24:24] Is all comparison bad? How can we use comparison as a tool to motivate? Jade encourages her students to take the approach of learning from people who are better in a particular area, rather than compare themselves with those people using ideas that only exist in the mind. Jade also explains that people struggling with self-doubt should focus on their strengths, and those who doubt their strengths can talk to other people to figure it out.
[29:00] "Before you can step out of self-doubt, you need to be aware that you have self-doubt" it is important to have the desire to get out of it because nobody can help you if you don't help yourself.
[31:10] Jade and Deniece did an exercise where they wrote down each other's strengths, also noting their thoughts about each other and themselves. They then compared these notes to find similarities, many of which they agreed on. Deniece also discloses that she used to compare herself to Jade in audio, hair, and make-up.
[34:41] “When people live in an environment where they are always criticized, that's when their self-esteem drops” You don't need to keep people around you who point out the worst in you or always compare you to someone else; these kinds of people are often insecure about themselves and want you to also feel that way.
[40:50] Jade shares that she had to rationalize the reason her parents compared her to other kids. She later understood that it was partly because they were ignorant about how their expressions would affect her. It was also due to their upbringing and method of communication. Deniece had to make a firm decision and stand her ground to be herself despite the comparison from her parents. She also had to learn to disagree rationally with her parents when the need came up. "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken"
[45:50] It is also important to consciously practice gratitude and contentment. If you start and end your day with gratitude, you are focusing on things that are positive, so you don't spiral into self-doubt or negativity.
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